Lightbulb Moment

I get these lightbulb moments every once in awhile- I think that most people do. It's where you see something and *lightbulb* you realize something important that you should have known all along.

I walked Cody to school today. Nothing out of the ordinary, it's a nice day, I like walking, and besides- I don't have a car or any other way to get him to school (stupid gas prices forcing the school to cut back on the bus riders, grumble, grumble). So- we walk. Cody whines about it, I attempt to ignore him. For awhile, we raced on the way home. He almost always won (hey- it's hard to run when you're pushing a tandem stroller with two kids in it). Today- we walked. I said my typical goodbye ('Goodbye, love you, have fun, and for heaven's sake- please be good!'), and I turned that stroller around and headed home.

On the way, I just happened to glance down at my shadow. I studied it, looked up, attempted to ignore it. Couldn't do it- I had to look down. I stared. I stopped the stroller (not caring that people were driving by and most likely staring at me staring at my shadow), continued to look. Then it hit me.

My butt shadow is as wide as my stroller (which isn't one of those little itty bitty lightweight strollers, nor is it a side by side double stroller- my butt isn't that big, yet). It hit me again.

I. Am. Fat.

When I got home, I checked myself out in the mirror. I'm wearing my cute 3/4 sleeve button up white top, my Old Navy jeans, and my cute pink, blue and white striped slides. I check out my neck- hint of a double chin (not good). I look at the top half of my body- a little wider than I'd like to be (not good). I look at my butt.

I shouldn't have looked at my butt. No. Wait. If I hadn't have looked at my butt, that lightbulb moment would have been ignored and forgotten and I'd have gone on living my life the way that I have been living it.

I'm not liking my butt right now. I'm liking how my legs feel after walking just over a mile (I won't be liking how they feel later tonight, after walking 2.4 miles, but that is a necessary evil).

I realized today that I've been ignoring the problem. I've been pretending that I'm ok with the way that I look, when I'm not. I'm fat. I don't want to be fat. I don't want to pretend that I carry the weight well (when I know that I most definitely do NOT). I don't want to have to buy my Old Navy jeans off eBay or online. I want to be able to walk into any store at the mall and know that they have my size.

So- today I start. Healthy foods. Balanced meals. No more of this junk food. I'm limiting the amount of pop that I drink to two cans a day. More walking. More running with the boys instead of watching them run. We'll take more walks (poor Cody), be more active.

I'm starting small- with baby steps. Up for this week- healthy meals.